Dinner with the Birthgivers
by KissesAtTwilight
Summary: 20 minutes, one make out session, and one episode of him being hit repeatedly with a monkey fur purse and matching scarf later, we arrived at his parents' house. The big dinner. Joy.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi everyone! I wrote this short chapter fic for the contest in the "Moving Victorious Up" forum. I am just getting started writing fanfic, so please read and review! (: Thank you. Love, omgitsbade**

**Disclaimer: There's a reason I don't own Victorious. We tried, but somehow I accidentally made the whole show about ALL the things Jade hit with her monkey fur purse. Heyyyy…someone should write a fanfic about that…(: Agreed? **

The traditional "Meet the Parents" dinner. Just what I want to waste my time doing. Or not. Yes, tonight is the night Beck is taking me home to have dinner with his parents. I mean, we've been dating for over a year, and I practically live in his RV. (Yet they don't precisely know that, because the one rule they do have is the "no girls in the RV" thing.) So I don't even know them, yet I'm already breaking their rules. Sweet.

"Are you ready to go babe," my Greek-god worthy boyfriend asked me from his casual position leaning against the doorframe in my room.

"Don't rush me," I spat. "I'm not even wearing enough make-up! Don't you want them to like me? Or is this your secret sabotage plan to get us to break up so you can date Tori?" I actually knew he wouldn't leave me for Tori. I just like messing with him. And he kisses me when he's trying to convince me he loves me.

"Jade, honey," he says quietly, "Au contraire, I think you are wearing enough makeup. You seem to be wearing enough eyeliner for costume makeup."

"All the world's a stage!" I shouted. "Stupid, unsupportive sexy boyfriends…" I trailed off evilly.

"Wow, I don't even know if that's a compliment or an insult."

"Neither do I," I admitted.

He laughed. "And baby, for the millionth time! I'm not leaving you for Tori. Why would I want a perfect, pretty, nice girl when I can be constantly in fear of being beaten up?

I growled. Then slapped him, but he caught my hand before it made contact with his cheek. I struggled against him, but he help my wrists. We fell backwards onto the bed. One almost-wrestling match later, and I was sitting up on his chest, straddling him. I win.

I leaned down to kiss him.

20 minutes, one make out session, and one episode of him being hit repeatedly with a monkey fur purse and matching scarf later, we arrived at his parents' house. The big dinner. Joy.

To be honest, although you couldn't have paid me a million dollars to admit it, I was a teeny bit nervous. For some reason, parents and small children tend to run and scream when they see me. I simply can not figure out why.

I stepped up onto the porch with Beck. He was "guiding" (aka pushing) me to the door with him. His mother opened the door. Crap.

**A/N: Hey! I hope you enjoyed it! **

**I am guessing it will only be either one or two more chapters …Please Review. If anyone has any ideas for the story, or comments, or random things they would like to say, REVIEW! Thank you (: **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey guys! Here is Chapter Two (: I know its short, but that seemed like the perfect place to end it! I promise I'll update soon- either tonight or tomorrow… Enjoy. And thank you so much to the five lovely people who reviewed my story. Everyone said they really liked it. Thank you! (:**

**Disclaimer: I told you I would make the whole show about monkey fur. That part of "Freak the Freak Out" is probably the best part of Victorious so far! Anyone agree? I don't own Victorious…**

"Hello, Beck. And you must be Jade," she said in that smooth, friendly tone of voice that makes me want to punch someone.

"Um, Yes…" I said awkwardly.

"Won't you come in?" She seemed to give me the "California once-over" in the light of her pristine living room. I didn't know what to say, I saw her look up and down, and her eyes stop suddenly on my monkey fur purse. No, I wasn't leaving that at home.

"Wow, you certainly do, umm, love… black! Delightful.." She said, in a tone of voice that made me think it wasn't actually that delightful. She continued "Darling, what exactly is that purse…made of?"

She had to ask. Beck squeezed my hand.

"Oh, its, um, monkey fur…." I said in a teeny voice. I tried to make it sound normal, like oh yeah, who doesn't have a money fur purse. (And matching scarf.)

Just then Beck's dad walked over. He was a tall dark-haired man wearing a sports coat and slacks with a striped shit. I hate stripes. I hate a lot of things.

"Hello Beck, Jade," he said. More fake politeness and judgmental looks. "May I ask what fabric that scarf is of? It has a very…unique look to it."

Again! What the hell?

"Monkey fur, dear," his mom replied. I tried to ignore the shocked expressions and then futile attempts to hide them.

"Why don't we sit down?" Beck said. He pulled me into the "formal dining room," and we both surveyed the room. .God. Who has candelabras and sparkling blue china vases out to have their son over?

Beck pulled out my chair like a gentleman, and I sat down.

"Kaylen, your cousin is here!" Mrs. Oliver called to upstairs, "My niece Kaylen is staying with us for the week"

A small brunette girl of about thirteen came walking into the kitchen. She was wearing a funky outfit with lots of layers and green cargo skinny jeans. She walked with an aura of "sassy retro glam girl." I instantly liked her much better than the rich, classy Olivers.

Except Beck of course. I'm pretty sure everyone knows how I feel about Beck.

Kaylen walked over and looked at me. She also gave me the look, but she seemed to like what she saw. That makes one (two if you count Beck).

She looked at my purse. Her eyes lit up "Monkey fur?" she asked knowingly.

**Review and I'll update the story later today!**

**Love, omgitsbade**


	3. Forks

**A/N: Hey guys! I'm so so so sorry it took me forever to update. My birthday was this weekend, and I was busy every day with different groups of friends and family. So please, read and enjoy! Review! (: **

**Disclaimer: I can't own Victorious because I am incapable of writing anything appropriate for children. I can write M stuff though (; **

Beck's mom looked up in surprise. Her expression said "How the hell did you know that," but she probably doesn't use words like hell anyways…

"Yeah," I laughed. You know what? This girl isn't half bad; I can see her potential as a mini-Jade.

We were interrupted by a knock on the dining room door. A group of 4 waiters walked in, and set trays of salad, "hour de oeuvres," crackers, and the fancy cheeses you see on TV. Hey, they exist?

I hesitated to serve myself. Everyone stared at me.

"Go ahead, you're the guest," Mrs. Oliver looked to me as if I should have known the guest goes first. I shakily served myself a small portion of salad and cheeses I can't name.

Beck's mom continued to look at me. Shoot.

"Go ahead, try some," she loud whispered. I felt as if she was a witch trying to poison me. Is this a test or something?

I looked down. Oh… It is a test. There were four forks sitting in front of me. And they weren't arranged by size or anything. One had five tines, one had four, one was slightly wider, and one has shorter points. It was one of those times when I knew that which ever one I chose was going to be wrong. I picked the shorter one, and took a small bite of salad.

"How can you possibly stand eating your salad with the fish fork?" Mr. Oliver questioned. As if this was the most ridiculous thing he had ever seen. Wait! What? The **fish fork! **Are they playing a joke on me? I laughed out loud; the idea of a fish fork was hilarious given the situation.

"Surely you know the difference between the forks," Mrs. Oliver said, as if disgusted with anyone outside her rich, snobby social circle.

I'm Jade West, I certainly don't give up. So stupidly, I decided to pick a fight. Great.

"I prefer to start my appetizers with my fish fork, if you don't mind. I think a longer fork makes the fish….taste better," weak argument, I realize.

She looked down at her plate. Back to dinner.

The rest of this course went smoothly. I pretended I knew what I was doing, and each time a new appetizer was brought out, I smirked at her as if I was trying to torture her with my non-knowledge of forks.

Then, the waiter brought out the glasses, and poured each of us a glass of expensive red wine. I didn't realize that this could potentially be a problem.

"Do you like this one Jade," Mrs. Oliver said, after I had a sip. "I can bring out the Merlot if you would prefer it.." she said testily. I had never heard of that. I guess this was the pick the most expensive one contest. I've never had wine before n my life. I'm sixteen. Sure I've had cheap vodka and six-packs at parties, but not this classy wine stuff.

"Merlot sounds nice," I said, trying to look as if I encounter Merlot on a daily basis.

Half an hour later, I had been through tasting over eight bottles of wine. I was encouraged to finish every glass.

**That's the end of this chapter! I know it wasn't as funny as previous chapters, but I needed this one to set up the main problems. If you have any guesses as to what's going to happen, I'd love to hear them! I have a lot of ideas for this story (: Promise next chapter will be longer, funnier, and have more uncomfortable situations. I have a few great ideas, one of which I stole from the TV show "Urban Legends." Also, I want to know if you guys want the Olivers to end up liking and accepting Jade, or absolutely detesting her. So please please please review with your guesses, and preference for like or hate. **


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